Frustrated Mom Can't Get Her Son To Bathe

Q: Okay, Frustrated Mom here: My 10-year-old son runs around playing and sweats buckets but will NOT take a shower afterward. What's the thing with boys not understanding the basic need to bathe?!

Jim: I'm chuckling in agreement while advising you to be patient. While it might seem strange (especially to the ladies), many boys almost perceive pungent body odor as a notable rite of passage into manhood.

I'll never forget a mother who told me about her 10-year-old son who announced: "Hey, mom -- smell my arm pit. I think I'm going into poverty!" Even though he didn't know the right word (of course he meant "puberty"), he knew that odd smell meant he was growing into a man.

You'll probably have to require your son to bathe in the same way you require him to do his chores and homework. At that age, many boys simply don't compute simple hygiene. I remember a time when I told one of my (now adult) sons, "You know, you could use a bath ... you kinda' stink." He looked at me in surprise and said, "Really?" Since he genuinely couldn't smell himself -- scientists call this olfactory adaptation -- he had no reason to think anyone else could.

Here's the good news I learned with my own boys: Positive peer pressure will fix a lot. As they get older, they'll start to notice girls -- and they'll notice girls noticing them. Suddenly, the need to shower, comb their hair and brush their teeth will take on new significance.

Until then, hand your son the soap and a towel and point him toward the shower. And here's a "pro tip": if the direct approach ("hey, you smell") is required, it's usually more effective coming from Dad or Grandpa, if possible.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I have been married for several years. We're trying to get back into the habit of regular "just us" dates, but we also enjoy spending time with friends. How do we balance it all?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: No person is an island, and neither is your marriage. A couple definitely needs to spend a lot of one-on-one time together. But you also need to be around other couples who can positively influence your relationship and help you through the challenges that inevitably arise. You invest in their lives, and they invest in yours.

This is especially important today because so many people live far away from extended family. If you don't have family support, the influence of good friends is particularly valuable.

For these reasons, it's helpful -- even critical -- to double date with other couples. There's no hard-and-fast rule for how often ... but I'd suggest making one out of every four dates a double date as a reasonable goal. If you date your spouse once a week (which I think is the optimum), that's one double date a month. But if you and your spouse only go out once a month, you'll still squeeze in three double dates a year. That may not sound like much, but don't underestimate the potential positive impact.

Relationships with other couples can help keep your marriage healthy, but they'll be especially invaluable if (read: when) your marriage hits a rough spot. We all tend to isolate during troubled times. Friendships will give your marriage a strong shoulder to lean on and help you get through the painful times you're facing.

As individuals and as couples, we need the support and influence of friends. For more ideas to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.