Mom worries, is her son growing up too fast?
DEAR AMY: I think that my 14-year-old son, "Tyler" is growing up faster than I am prepared for.
Recently, he left his email open on my computer, and I could not help but scroll through. Mostly it was benign, but a couple of exchanges raised my eyebrows and churned my stomach. One with a friend, discussing their crushes on girls, included possible "pick-up lines" that ranged from the stupid to the obscene, including lots of sexual references and profanity.
My 14-year-old! He is the sweetest kid you can imagine. Is this just normal behavior for the age? Posturing between buddies? What if my sweet kid is actually a macho jerk?
My husband and I have tried to foster open discussion with our kids, but Tyler keeps his social life very much to himself, and is quick to rebuff questions. I can imagine he is getting interested in girls, and that is a wonderful new stage of life to navigate, but I want him to be the right kind of boy amidst all that.
I was very shy at that age. Is it a sign of something I should address? -- Wondering Mom
DEAR WONDERING: Fourteen-year-olds can be pretty disgusting. (I was a disgusting 14-year-old myself, but -- like your son -- I confined this tendency to my interactions with peers.)
I think the behavior you describe is in the "normal" range (check with other parents in your son's peer group to see if they are going through this, too). You should look for the overall progress in your son's development, without focusing on how he chooses to posture during those times when he thinks you aren't looking.
I don't suggest telling him what you saw, but I would suggest raising issues of behavior and respect whenever you can.
Your husband might be the most valuable person to mentor your son through this, and identify with some of his behavior. You should both continue to guide him to be the kind and respectful young man you know he can be.
DEAR AMY: I'm the mother of a wonderful 27-year-old woman who has everything going for her -- looks, intelligence, a great personality and compassion. She's gainfully employed and has many friends.
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