The Search For A Healthy Work/Life Balance

Q: Between work, parenting, and just life in general, I feel totally swamped most of the time. Trying to take a day off doesn't seem to help. What can I do?

Jim: Some years ago, I crashed my motorcycle and broke my ankle. I hunkered down to recover at home, cancelled trips and tried to enjoy the extra time with family. But one event that I didn't cancel taught me a valuable lesson.

Just days into my recovery, I was scheduled to record a radio program with a guest who was visiting from out of town. He graciously offered to reschedule, but I insisted we keep our plans. Ironically, the guest was a physician (Dr. Richard Swenson) who has written several great books encouraging people to slow down and build margin into their lives.

It hit me (hard) that I had been guilty of the very thing Dr. Swenson was urging our listeners not to do -- and if not for the accident, I'd probably still be living that way!

I understand that maintaining a healthy work/life balance, especially in today's economy, is a big challenge. Mix in the dynamic that technology allows us to work anywhere, and we now tend to work everywhere -- at any time. It's easy to justify by rationalizing that doing work now will save work later ... but somehow, come later, there is always more work to be done!

Take a lesson from public speaking experts. Most say that as a general rule of thumb, however slow you think you're talking, you should probably speak even slower. The same is true with life. Slow down and find a way to take an extended break. You won't regret it.

Q: My husband is chronically late to everything except work. So, when we're going somewhere together, that makes me late, too. It reflects poorly on me, and I think it's disrespectful to others. Help!

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: This is a challenging situation, and I can tell it's frustrating to you. To some extent, punctuality is more critical in some situations than in others. "On time" can mean one thing at the office or in the classroom, but in less formal settings there's a lot more leeway.

I'd suggest starting with an honest, respectful conversation with your husband to compare and contrast your personal definitions of the phrase "on time." Remember to use "I-based" language as much as possible. Instead of blaming and accusing, say something like, "Here's what I'm aiming for in terms of getting somewhere within a reasonable time-frame. And this is how I feel when we're late. Can you see where I'm coming from? What do you think we should do about it?"

If you conclude that your spouse's chronic lateness is connected to irresponsibility, passive-aggressive behavior or a deliberate intent to offend, then some accountability -- and professional counseling assistance -- may be justified. But if it's simply part of his personality, you'll likely need to exercise grace. Some people are highly organized, while others ... aren't. Some operate on a schedule, while others live so much "in the moment" that they genuinely have no clear sense of time.

If differences of this kind are the source of the tensions between you, you may have to figure out a way to accept the situation and "just roll with it." If you can't accept it -- even though you're convinced that there's no ill will on your spouse's part -- you might need to examine yourself to find out why his tardiness bothers you so much. And if it comes to it, the best option might be to just drive separately when you're trying to make it to a party or dinner date on time.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.