Ask Amy: Parents differ about sex happening in the house
I have not noticed this particular dynamic between mothers and their daughters (mothers and sons have their own unique issues).
Yes, you know that your daughter and her boyfriend have sex, but as long as this happens elsewhere, you’d rather not think about it, thank you very much.
Also, unless you’ve met this guy before, he is essentially a stranger to you. Letting a stranger sleep with your daughter in your own home violates your innate bond to protect her.
The “legitimacy” of your reaction lies in the fact that you are having it.
Understand, however, that this couple will sleep together. Unless you intend to police the hallway at night, this will be happening in your home.
You might compromise by offering the couple two rooms – one room might be a place to keep his things and bunk down (if he wants to) while he is visiting. You could then leave the rest up to them, without dictating specific terms.
This might help you to maintain the cognitive dissonance you seem to require in order to admit this relationship into your world.
This is your opportunity, however, to begin the process of letting go. It is a tough but necessary developmental step.
Dear Amy: I am a single man in my mid-40’s.
During the pandemic I started talking with a woman (online). We texted a lot and called one another often. We’ve also video chatted.
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